The old vw

I had a great volkswagon for a long time. It was a v.w GTI and that baby would fly!!! Five speed, dents and dings in the doors, leaky sun roof, radio changed channels when you crossed the rail road tracks and the horn blowed when you turned left. Yep, great little car. Had a muffler that was more holes than muffler. My neighbors knew when I went to work in the a.m. Lots of them used me as a alarm clock.No need for blasting clocks or radios to wake them up, just the windows shaking in their frames. Anyways, I drove my little vw for work all the time. Great on gas and like I said , she would FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I pulled up at the local burger king one day to get me a soda and while I was sitting at the drive up window, the car first made a weird whistling noise, then just shut down. Yep,she said I'M Done right there at the drive up window. So I tried to start her back up,she said NO loudly.. So I tried again and then I heard another whistling noise and smoke began coming outa the a/c vents. Well, I got a little upset, hell no, I panicked!!!!!!!!!!! Cars on fire, Wont move, door wont open cause remember I am at the freaking drive up window at the burger joint!!! So about the time the guy at the window opened it to give me my drink, I said " Move over!!! I am coming in for it" and basically dived right thought the drive in window. Landed on my head in the floor on the other side. The guy working at the window looked at me like I was a total loone!!!!! He didnt bother to offer a hand to the short fat lady who just dived head first through his drive up window. I really think he was a window diver virgin ( and me too!!!) But what would YOU do if you thought your car was on fire and the door wouldnt open? Call 911?? ask for a fire exstingusher ??Doubt it!
Anyways, I crawled up outa the floor, got my drink from the window guy and kindly thanked him. crawled over the counter and walked out the door. My car, still sitting there at the drive up window in what turned out to be a cloud of STEAM not smoke. So I rounded me up a few good old boys and we managed to push my v.w outa the way and over to the side for my handy dandy fixer to come get it.He knew this car really well,since it stayed with him quite a bit. ( v.w's are like some harleys,... Broke alot)
I never went back to that burger king, never paid for the soda I stopped to get and now that I think about it, I think they are closed. I wonder what ever happened to the bumpy faced teen ager who happened to be working the window that day. reckon anyone ever believed his story???

Pet Smart

Being the great pet owner that I am , I went to pet smart to get Junior some of his favorite cat food. Junior is very spoiled and will not eat just anythingso I get his special food at pet smart. So I go in and get the food and get in line to check out. If you have ever been in this store, you will know that EVERYBODY brings their pets in here with them. So I am standing there watching the parade of dogs go by as they enter the store and this little skinny gal came in with this HUGE white dog with the prettiest blue eyes I have ever saw. So as she goes by, I asked her if her dog was friendly. I HAD to touch this dog cause he looked like a white cloud with feets. She said yes and as I reached out to put this mountain of cotton, she began to tell me that he was very horny as their neighbors dog was in heat. Before she got the whole sentence out, This MOUNTAIN of a dog stood up on his back legs, put his front paws on my shoulders and laid his head back and began humping the air between us! Now, I am only 4'10 and this dog was ALOT taller than me and a whole lot stronger and than me. I was doing everything in my power to stay upright cause I was afraid of what would happen if he DID succeed in knocking me down.In the mean time, this big ass dog has laid his head back, tongue is hanging out , his eyes were rolled back in his head and he was flat going at it.There was probably 15 people laughing so hard they were crying, the lady who owned the dog was trying with all her might to pull him back off of me and he was head over heals in love and wasnt about to let go of me. Finally 2 men came over and got him off me as they were laughing and I went on to ck out. Well, I always knew I attracted dogs but this was a bit much even for me! But I bet the folks at petsmart will remember me IF I ever go back in there again! ( maybe Junior is gonna learn to eat something I can get at Food Lion!)

Napkin Coasters

Our wonderful daughter who is 23 lives in asheville and attends college there. She is home for Easter break and yesterday morning I was leaving to go to town and I went in to tell her bye before I left. I noticed these weird looking things on her table. They were various smiles cut out of cardboard and glued to chop sticks. she had taken the time to color them really nice. Some looked like real big lips, some looked like vampire lips and various weird looking lips. I picked them up and tried them on by holding them up in front of my own mouth and they were really cute. so I leaned over and kissed the kiddo bye and said " Hey Joanna, these are cute. you should take them with you and stuffin ( she is joannas best friend and we refer to her as the rental kid cause she is here so much) go to the photo booth at the mall. Our wonderful daughter who is in college sat up in the bed and looked right at me and said" Mom. Those are napkin coasters!" I said "WHat???? she said again. Those are napkin coasters!!!! I replied" what the hell is a napkin coaster?? She said " MOM! ( in her best you are sooooo stupid mother voice) you put them on the table to keep the napkins clean!!! Then she laid right back down and went right back to sleep. So I left the napkin coasters laying on the table and left for town, wondering still what the hell a napkin coaster was. When I got back, she was getting up and I walked in to her room and picked up her napkin coasters and told her " I love these napkin coasters! They are sooo cute! She looked at me like I had a horn between my eyes with flashing lights! She said " what the hell is a napkin coaster? I said thats what you told me they were when I asked earlier. She swears she didnt say anything to me about napkin coasters and was laughing her head off at how stupid her mom is. Yea, I guess napkin coasters does sound pretty stupid but hey! She is the one with the college education. Not me!

Me and Poo.

So, my sister and me decided to take a 5 day trip with a local tour group to the amish country! I was thrilled as I am a huge amish fan. So the day before we are to leave, My sister, who we call MISS GRACE for a reason, falls down the steps and breaks her foot. They wont give her the money she paid back and we are to cheap to let them just keep it ,so away we went. My sister and I are TOTALLY different in many ways with the main one being she is like 5'6 and I am like 4'10. So she gets the walking cast on and matching crutches and we light out for penn. The bus was full of other folks who was as thrilled as I was to get to see the amish people and actually visit a amish home. The first evening we stop to eat at a buffet bar. Poo ( my sisters nickname is poo thanks to my daughter, poo's only neice) was trilled and informed me of what she wanted on her plate after I hauled her to the table and parked her. I get in the line and get her a nice plate of food,salad and all that crap and take it to her. She starts to eat and I get back in line to get my food. By the time I get to the table, poo has finished round one and is ready for round 2. SO I go back and get in the line and get her seconds of everything she liked from the firsts. Take it to her and sit down and start to eat my now cold food. By the time I finish it,poo is ready for desserts. SO I go get me and her both some piles of sweet stuff and sit down to eat. Poo has to pee. She cant do this on her own even though she was like 40 at the time. so off we go to the bathroom. Its had enough to haul poo around when there is lots of room but put 2 adults in a stall in a bathroom and try to balance someone who is wayyyy taller than you ar while they yank down their pants!!!! Not a easy task! I began to think about poo wearing amish dresses about this time and why does she need to wear underwear?? Finally the paper work is done and out we go to eat our desserts. Everyone else on the bus has finished and was ready to go so we scarffed down our desserts and I hauled poo to the bus. Now this is a real trick. Getting someone with a cast and cruches on a bus! Basically I got behind and shoved and prayed someone on the other side caught miss grace ( aka Poo) before she fell and broke something else. The first nite at the hotel was very interesting. I haul poo in and pile her down on the bed and she wants to take a bath. Yea right. I suggested me hanging her over the edge of the pool by her legs and dipping her three or four times but she bucked on that deal so I turned the tub water on and hauled poo to the tub and held her cast leg while she basically fell in to the tubwith her casted leg hanging over the side. I decided it was to much work for me to take a bath that nite and I would shower in the am. So I put on my gown and robe and poo decided it was a good time for me to go to the drink machine. So I looked out the door both ways and no one was in the hall so since the coast was clear, off I went in my gown and robe to get a drink. The drink machine kept my money!!!!! I tried, very lady like, to knock hell outa it to get my drink or my money back and of course it wouldnt budge. SO I went to the front desk to ask for my money back.There stood three business men in three peice suits checking in. I waited for a few minutes for the desk clerk to see me( how could he miss me since I was wearing a bright orange bathrobe) and when he did I informed him that the drink machine had kept my money. He, being from penn and me being from nc,it was apparent that there was some problem with commuication. He said " excuse me ?? I again said the drink machine kept my money. And he again said "excues me?" So, for some reason i guess i thought he was going deaf so I yelled " The damn DRINK MACHINE KEPT MY MONEY!!!!!" By this time, the 3 business men was almost rolling in the floor laughing. The desk clerk replied" The soda machine is out of order??" I replied " That's what the hell I said!!!!" He gave me my money and off I went to find another machine. Behind me was the three men in business suits laughing and begging me to talk to them and to say DAWG... Seems notherners love to her southerns say dog ( DAWG) . They followed me to the second drink machine and then back to the room , begging me to say all kinds of crap. They were laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes. I get to the door and open it and poo, who is still stuck in the tub waiting for me the haul her out, hears these men laughng and is about to have a fit!I guess she thinks I have brought them back to get her outa the tub. I tell them to go away , that the fun is over and they kept begging me to say things for them so I told them that if they didnt leave me alone that bubba was out in the truck and would open up a big can of whoop ass on them. I shut the door and left them laughing in the hall. Meanwhile, poo has turned into a prune from sitting in the tub for 20 -30 min.
I haul poo outa the tub and park her in the bed. The whole trip was hauling poo in somewhere, hauling poo outa somewhere and feeding poo.Poo gained weight and I lost weight and one side got shorter than the other cause she hung on it ALOT. We had a ball!!!!!!!!!!!
This was the best trip me and poo has been on yet but we aitn dead yet either.

Whats that smell??

Some deal friends of our are surveyers. They survey the land before you buy it to make sure it is correct. Anyways, the work our in the woods alot here and its been a most unusually cold winter here.They have went to work when it was 8 outside. They have these nice carthart suits that you step in and zip up. They are very very warm and have nice hoods on them that tie tight around your face to keep the cold air out. So they were waaaaayyyy our in the woods, surveying off some land for a client when one of them starting feeling the urge. He thought he could hold it until they returned but as time went on, the urge got bad. REALLLLLLLLLY BAD..... So he told his partners that he was going to take a little trip into the woods.They knew what he was talking about since they had all been in his place before and didnt think much about it. They kept right on working and let him go on. After awhile, he returned and continued to work with them. After a few hrs, it was lunch time. They always brought their lunch with them and sat in the truck with the heat on to get warm while they ate. They had all forgotten about their friends little trip to the woods by this time. Anyways, as the story was told, they were all stuffed into the front of the truck, heat blasting, raido playing and they were eating their lunch. After the truck started to get warm, one of them said" hey, I smell shit. Did you step in what you dumped? The dumper guy looked at his boots and said no he didnt but he smelled it too. They all begain to look at the bottom of their boots and no one had it on them. The contiuned to eat and the smell got worse.The 'dumper" was sitting in the middle and they narrowed the stink down to him. After a few minutes, they figured it our and they bailed outa the truck leaving "dumper" sitting there.Seems when dumper went to dump, he had unzipped his carhart jump suit thing and dropped it to the ground and did his business. He didnt relize that he had dumped his load in the hood of his jumpsuit. After finishing up his business, he pulled up his jumpsuit, zipped it back up and pulled the hood back up on his head and tied it really tight around his face to keep the cold our out. not relizing what he dumped was in his hood and now smashed flat on top of his head. it being as cold as it was, the smell didnt hit him until he was nice and comfy warm, between his working buddies, in the front of the truck with the heat blasting, where else, right on dumper.
We have laughed at this story so many times and he has earned the nickname stinky now.

The Peter Heater.

When I was a teenager, there was a new house built below us. The new neighbors was a man and his wife and their 3 kids. The man was flat out beautiful! He was tall, built like a tank , shiney black hair and big dark eyes. He always had a beautiful tan and liked to mow the grass in nice tight cut off jeans. We liked it too! As soon as we heard the mower start up over at his place, out on the deck we went. Just to watch. There we stood, slobbering like saint barnards , watching this piece of fine work mow the grass. Our families, much to my delight, became close friends. I babysat the kids ( good reason to drool over their dad) and we exchanged Christmas gifts each year. Mom always send me over there( like she had to MAKE me go over there) with their gifts. There was one Christmas I will never forget. Mom told me to take their gifts over to them and about 2 hrs later, I was on my way. I had to look JUST RIGHT before going over and when you are a teenager, it takes a long time to look JUST RIGHT, if ever! Anyways, i was finally on my way, praying all along that he was home and not gone to work.. Luck was with me! He was there, watching a ball game. So everyone came into the den to open their gifts and I was talking to the kids all the while sneaking glances at the Hunk of a man that was sitting there opening gifts. All the sudden I heard this loud laughing. It was the hunk, laughing so hard he was crying. I walked over to see what was soooo funny and my mother had crocheted him this cute little thing for christmas. It had 2 little bags and then a long skinny part and a string with pompoms on the ends. I had no clue what it was and why it was so funny until he handed me the poem that went with it. I stood there, looking at it , trying to figure out what the heck this thing was when I glanced down at the poem.The title of the poem was '" ode to the peter heater" Dear God!!!!!!!!!! My crazy mother had crocheted this hunk of a man a PETER HEATER!!!!!!!!! I could have died. I think I probably ran into the sliding glass doors about 3 times before one of the kids opened the door so I could get out. I ran all the way home and into my room and slammed the door. I could hear my mom laughing down the hall. It took me about 3 months to be able to look this hunk in the face again with out turning red.
That was about 30 yrs ago and a few yrs ago, the hunks mom died and I went to the funeral home to see them. Hadnt seen them since my dad died and mom moved. that was in 1984. Anyways, I went though the family receiving line and he was at the end. Just as beautiful as before. After telling him how sorry I was about his mom, he put his arm around me and said guess what? I said what? and he said " I still have the peter heater your mom made me and it still fits" Lord, I wanted to crawl under the casket. he stood there smiling and I again, turned as red as a fire truck.
But at least he did find something to smile about on that very sad day, even if it was at my expense.

Mrs Cora

Mrs Cora was a little old lady who lived near us when I was growing up. She was a little different, no , she was ALOT different. Her and her husband Cole was good friends of the family.They came by our house one nite while we were eating supper. Mom, dad , my sister and I was all sitting around the table finishing up eating when they came in the back door. Mrs Cora had a paper bag with the top rolled down on it and she came right into the kitchen where we were sitting at the table and planted that bag in the middle of the table and announced that she had made dad a cake. My sister and I both began telling her we were full from supper and began leaving the table. As I looked around, Mrs Cora had stuck her hand in the bag and grabbed out a half a cake, frosting and all and plopped it down in the middle of the table. This cake wasnt wrapped in anything, just dumped in the bag. She picked the cake up and broke off a big hunk and threw it in dads plate. My sister and I was watching from around the corner. She offered our mom a piece of cake and mom told her she was full and was trying to cut back on sweets. Dad was sitting there, staring at the big hunk of cake she had dumped in his plate and said " Here, I will give you half of my piece" He picked up his cake and broke it in two and dumped it on moms plate. Me and my sister watched as mom planted the toe of her shoe in the shin of dads leg under the table. Mrs Cora stood at the end of the table and stared at mom and dad until they had ate the cake. Me and my sister was about to wet our pants watching from around the corner. It was great. Watching dad chew that cake, you would have thought he had a mouth full of lard!!!!!!
Mrs Cora was a wonderful little old lady but she just wasnt wrapped to good. About as good as the cake was.

The redneck wedding

Some redneck friends of ours decided that after living together for 9 yrs and having 2 kids, they would finally get married. They were on a very tight budget and decided that the front yard of the trailer they were renting was a great place to have the wedding. So they called up all their friends and told them they were getting married and to bring a covered dish for the reception afterwards. These folks are great folks and we love them dearly but they are truly REDNECKS.So the wedding day arrived and we went a little early to help set up the chairs, mater crates and drink boxes for the guess to sit on. They had a nice piece of indoor/outdoor carpet that they pulled up off the front porch and put down for the isle for the bride to walk down. Now keep in mind, they were on a tight budget so they got lots of family to help with the wedding. The brides little brother who was around 13 at the time was in charge of the music. The guess arrived and took their seats on the mater crates and such and listened to hank williams jr blasting from the one of the uncles trucks that was parked out front with the doors open. This was the only source of a cd player so this is what they were using for the music. The groom finally came down the isle and took his place up front with the preacher who was also a good friend of theirs. His other job was riding on the back of a trash truck during the week. The little brother, being new to this dis jocky stuff started playing the music the thought was for the bride to come down and take her place with the groom and the trash collector/preacher. But the poor kid didnt have a clue what to play. You know, there is 2 wedding songs. The one where the bride comes in and the one where the bride goes out. Well, little floyd got them mixed up a bit and the bride came in to the going song and left to the coming in song. No one seemed to notice much as most of the guest had been taking part in the pre wedding drinking fest.The bride looked so pretty as she walked down the carpet carrying one of their kids in her arms. As the trash collector/preacher was going through his spill, 3 chickens came walking down the isle and one went between the bride and groom. This the guest noticed . No way you could have not heard the giggles from the very happy guest. They chickens moved on around picking at the ground and very close to come guest feets. After the trash collector/preacher prononuced them man and wife and they kissed, everyone began cheering. They went back into their trailer and changed into their reception clothing, Tee shirts and cut off jeans. They were just afixing to cut their flat sheet wedding cake when we noticed that there was 2 dogs happily bumping uglies right behind the bride and groom. It was hard for me not to laugh when I heard a kid behind me yelling" Look mommie, those two dogs are stuck together"!!! The reception was great since everyone brought a covered dish and they had plenty to eat and drink. The kids had kool aid and the adults had every kind of beer there is sitting in a empty ( thank god) JOHN full of ice. no need for a kooler when you have a old john sitting around just waiting to be filled with ice and beer! They had a great time and so did we. I can promise you this is the first and last wedding like this I have ever been to but it sure was lots more fun than the regular old boring weddings I have been to since this one. They are still happily married, 10 yrs later and still right where they were when they got married.

The dildo

I have a very dear friend who is quite a bit older than I am. She is very very shy and naive . She married when she was 14 and stayed married until he died recently. A few yrs ago, I heard about a huge yard sale that was going to happen close to our home.All the contents of the home was to be sold cause the man had died and lady was placed in a nursing home and the grandson was selling everything to provide for her stay at the home.I called up my friend who loves yard sales and of course she wanted to go so off we went. The grandson had taken everything outa the house and sat it on tables in the yard. The dressers were sat out there with the drawers open and the chest of drawers also. There was lots of tables with stuff on them also. I was walking around looking at stuff and got seperated from my friend. I found a set of false teeth and was looking for her to ask her if she thought they would fit her and I spotted her. waaaay at the other end of the table. She had a viberator in her hand, looking quizzly at it. turning it over, then she found the control on the bottom that turned it on. Then she found out it was a three speed and made this loud whinning noise!It sounded like a outboard motor run aground! People was looking at her and walking away sniggerling. I began making my way toward her when she cranked the viberater wide open and began rubbing it up and down her neck and across her shoulers. Now this thing was not just any vibeorator, it had attachments with it and had a nice little velvet carrying case. She was having a grand old time rubbing her neck and shoulders and didnt even notice that everyone had left the sell except us! The man having the sell went into the house and shut the door. After all, this was his GRANDPARENTS stuff and I bet he didnt have a clue they had this upgraded dildo with attachments at their house! I have seen these for sale on various websites and these big boys dont come cheap either.Anyways, as she was getting lost in wonderful shoulder rubs, i began yelling at her to put that thing down. She looked at me all glassy eyes and said " lookie here what I found! This cute little gizmo with these little things that hook on it somehow. and see... it has a little 3 speed motor too!!!! And it comes with a velvet box to keep from loosing the little things!!!" I again told her to put that thing down and get in the car but she was to busy showing me how the little motor worked. I grabbed her hand and yelled" GET IN THE DAMN CAR!!!!!!!!!" She looked like I had slapped her. She put the dildo back in the little velvet case and went to the car, muddering to herself all the way. As I got in the car, she said" well, I never. I dont know whats wrong with you but if this is how you are gonna act all day long just turn this buggy around and take me right back home." I said do you have any idea what that was you were playing with? She said" some little thing with a little motor and some other stuff. why? I said it was a freaking viberator!!!! and she said" whats that!!!!!!!!!!!" Good lord, I could have died. tell me now, how you would go about explaining viberating dildo to a 65 yr old woman??? So after much stammering and studdering, I finally got her to understand what it was for and she said' WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU LET ME RUB MY NECK WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH DEAR LORD!!!!!!!! TELL ME YOUR ARE LYING. PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE LYING!!!!" I told her no, i was telling her the truth and she started telling me very loudly to stop at the grocery store we were getting close to. So I stopped and she pratically ran from the car to the store.. Didnt say a word to me, just opened the door and flew into the store. I waited and waited for her to come back out and here she came, carrying a big roll of paper towels and a bottle of rubbing alochol and proceeded to take a bath with it. I was laughing so hard my sides were hurting. we went on to a few more yard sales and as we were coming back past this sale, i said I wold like to stop and see if anyone bought the false teeth. Before I got the whole statement out, I lost feeling in my rt arm. My dear sweet friend had grabbed my arm so tight she had cut the circulation off . She looked like someone possessed . She said " DO AND DIE!!!!!" I drove right on past the false teeth. Never did find out if they sold. But I did find a nice big bruise on my arm the next day. wonder where that came from!

big bird

I love my job but sometimes working out in the field( I go from house to house taking care of clients for the health agency I work for) , you can run into some strange things.
I pulled up at a clients house one day , got outa my car, and heard this really weird noise. It sounded like a duck being strangled. I looked around and all I saw was their roll out trash can. They live in town where you can get garbage pickup, not out in the boonies where we live and there aint such a thing. The garbage company provides them with a HUGE trash can on wheels. Its about shoulder high on me . Not saying alot for me but that is a pretty tall trash can. anyways, i started toward the house and I saw what looked like a big bird head sticking up over the trash can. I stopped and looked again and it was!!! The biggest bird I have ever seen was standing on the other side of the trash can looking over the top of it at me!!!!Time to run!!!!!!!!!!! and boy did my little stubbs of legs haul my fat butt right up the steps and straight into the house. Forget knocking, I had to get in before that bird did!!! I came barrelling into the clients home and she was sitting in her bed in the den looking at me like I had totally lost it. ( for those who really know me in real life, bet you think that too) anyways, She is bedbound and cant get outa the bed and was thinking I was on something as I was telling her there was a four foot bird beside her trash can. Bless her heart, she ask me how long I had been out in the heat and then started holding up fingers for me to count. I tried my every loving best to convince her that big bird was in her front yard. She just kept patting me telling me that I would be ok once I cooled off some. I swear I think she was trying to sneak and call 911 to come get the crazy woman outa her house. I heard a noise in the other room and relized her son was home. So I go grab him( he was in his drawers as usual. I have seen her son in his undies more than I have seen my own hubby in his!) and dragged him out the front door.I KNOW that his mom was trying to call 911 now cause she thought that this crazy woman was taking her son! * note* Her son is no little feller. hes 30 yrs old and is 6'3 and weighs around 270. She just knew that this nut who came running into her home , blabbering about big bird had taken her baby. I drag mr cool in his drawers out the front door and said "LOOK!!!!" pointing at the trash can. He looks at the trash can and says" yep. its a trash can. we have garbage pick up in the city" The freaking bird wasnt there!!!!!!! I looked around the small yard and didnt see it no where. I tried to tell him about big bird and he kept telling me big bird came on tv on sunday morning! Then it moved.... It was sitting down beside the trash can and we couldnt see it before cause of a bush. It stood up and started walking, waltzing, or whatever big bird does away from us.Mr cool bout messed his nice little tighty whiteies!!! He grabbed my arm and yelled " GET IN THE HOUSE LITTLEJO, THAT *&*%$ BIRD IS GONNA CARRY YOUR &^% OFF!!!!!!)We both tried to get in the front door at the same time ( me and mr cool, not the bird) .. but we wouldnt fit. he finally pretty much shoved me in the door and he slammed the front door shut and leaned on it. I dont think the bird was actually coming after me but I didnt hang around to see. He opened the door a little bit and peaked out after a few minutes and it was gone.
I took care of his mom who now believed that big bird was in her front yard and her home health staff hadnt been around the way snorting a line with some of the junkies up the hill. I got ready to leave and was really dreading it. I called mr cool to come go with me to the car and he refused!!!He said he would stand on the porch and watch and if the bird got me, he would shoot it down before it got to high up with me. That really made me feel alot better. ( yea right)
I eased out the front door and looked around. No bird... I tiptoed down the steps, no bird, I got almost to my car and noticed the folks sitting on their porch a few houses up from my clients. On the top of their house was big bird!!!! I pointed up for them to go out in their yard and look up and they finally did and I swear grannie lady looked like roadrunner heading for the door. She mowed down grandpa and kept right on going like he wasnt there, staggering behind her trying to get in the door. I looked back at my clients home to see if my body guard was still watching out for me and he was no where to been seen. Front door shut tight and I bet the bolt lock was on too!!! I wondered if he was inside moving the couch in front of the door!!
I ran on to my car and got in and left. We have never seen big bird since and believe me I look for him every time I pull up there!